Monday, December 4, 2023

Here I Briefly Stood

Last Friday we settled into another game of Here I Stand, having allocated the whole day and a follow up day. I was England, Simon the Ottomans, Mike the Hapsburgs, Jeff the Papacy, Stephen the French and Richard the Protestants.

All over Turn Three after the Hapsburgs had been all over the world exploring, conquering and colonising.

At least England had a healthy heir and Scotland was part of the realm.

And now we have a brief commentary from the Richard who briefly played the Protestants.

Revue Culinaire by Fr. Richard

Today I had the misfortune to try and dine at Hapsottogaul, named for its most infamous dish. It's very,very hard to get a reservation and one must book weeks, if not months in advance. I was eager with anticipation, having only secured the reservation the week before and I was very hungry too!

The restaurant was full. It normally seats six, however, only three were hungry today and only one left sated.

It's signature dish, turned out, however, to be one which can leave a bitter taste, even if one doesn't eat it.


Hungarian Goulash - devoured by the Ottomans.

Assorted Metz on a plate. -Unable to be digested by France in a single sitting and then coughed up. Eaten whole by the Hapsburgs. Eew!

Haggis - Cut into small pieces by England and then eaten after three chews.

Florentines - normally served as a dessert, warmed up by the Pope for France to eat later.

Episcopal Wafer - A bland dish shunned by the Protestants who preferred to go hungry.

Main Course:

F(r)egato ała venesiana - a costly dish, the Ottoman Galleys had trouble cutting up the f(r)egato and left the Pope's favourite, to be gobbled up by him with gusto.

Andrea Dory a la Genoa
A normally rare fish encountered in the Mediterranean. Ordered by France, but found to be Hor's Menu. Superior tipping by the Hapsburgs secured the last tasty morsel.

Exotic Fruits from the New World - Not shared by the Hapsburgs. Boo!

Here I must digress from the fayre on offer to comment on the (lack of) decorum in the restaurant.
Normally dessert would be served next, however, with the Protestants, Papacy and England still waiting for a table, the Hapsburgs asked France and the Ottomans to leave early so they could finish their dinner alone. (Perhaps they just weren't that hungry or maybe they were sated by the scraps the Hapsburgs left for them - the famous Hapsottogaul,a dish for three which only one eats).

As if this at wasn't bad enough, in a most, and please excuse the pun, unsavoury, final insult to his holiness the Pope, with whom they had just broken bread, the Ottomans "knocked over" the Papal tip jar on their way out of the restaurant as they ran off to the sedan chair rank to await the arrival of the Hapsburgs after whom they entered, to take the second place.

This left the Hapsburgs alone in the restaurant and they were presented with 11 menus to choose from. With the lackeys gone and three hungry souls still outside, it was certainly a leisurely way to dine as they scanned the cornucopia of tasty options still available.

With so many choices and drunk on new and old world treats alike, they had neither appetite for Goulash nor Mezze nor Fromage and certainly not Eels - Eeeew! They decided, instead, on Electoral Bratwurst!

No one interrupted them, not even the English waiting outside, whose purse, whilst meagre, could still have a bought a Belgian Chocolate or two. Yes, it was late, but there could have been enough time for another course even with France and the Ottomans having left already. Nevertheless, there was a short delay to the service after the hired help left unexpectedly and whilst initially a little hard to grasp, the Bratwurst was soon caught and consumed.

At this point the Hapsburgs, nearly completely sated, could barely move, who said gluttony was a sin? (certainly not the Pope who had barely eaten) and with Treachery still in his hands, they reached for the last piece of Amazonian Cayman and dinner was finished.

I cannot in good conscience recommend this establishment, however, please don't try the Hapsottogaul; if you aren't hungry, don't go out to dinner.

As a dining experience, I give Hapsottogaul 1 *.


  1. I hope the vouchers for (the) "Tactics" were spent wisely.... . There are rumours of a pending Excommunication....

  2. The Ottomans and the French kept the Pope completely occupied. I think the Protestants could be vaguely gracious.It wasn't our fault the Habsburg explorers were shining in the gracious light of fortune rather than cannibal or shark tucker!

  3. Well what can one say, I dined out and ate heartily, so much of a smorgasbord to choose from, and a buffet of American dishes that were readily consumed and yes it was almost fast food. As for the game I enjoyed it immensely.